White & thin, but still can’t win. Rant!
Companies today are selling everything from firming creams, weight loss supplements, to lightening creams. Apparently being thin and fair skinned is equal to beauty. I just so happened to be fair and thin. Does this mean I am supposed to see myself as being beautiful? For some reason, having these two traits doesn’t make me feel beautiful at all. Growing up with darker skinned group of friends and family, I am always called the white girl and always known as being so skinny and so tiny. Apparently being teased about how white and skinny I am is supposed to be a funny joke, a playful tease. However, it doesn’t just stop there. Sometimes people mention how pale my skin is and how I “need some color.” Or they feel the need to mention how skinny I am. That I’m like anorexic and need to get some meat on my bones. I try every summer to get some color on the skin. As far as eating goes I eat normal and a healthy amount, I just don’t gain as much weight as I would like. Although I am thankful for being naturally thin and I don’t have too much problem being so light skinned, it’s not always a blessing. It is very hard to find clothes that fit just the way I like, and I’m usually the lightest shade when I’m looking for foundation. No matter how “blessed” I am with my body, sometimes I still feel self conscious that I’m not tan enough or that I’m too thin. I know I should feel thankful for what I’ve been given, but can someone explain why it’s okay to make jokes about how thin and white I am, yet it is not okay to make fun of someone who is on the heavier side or dark skinned? Do my feelings not hurt the same way because of the stereotypes on how “lucky” I am?
Get it together, make it sooner than later
Just because I don’t respond doesn’t mean I don’t miss you. I still think about you everyday. Just because I ignore doesn’t mean I hate you. No matter how much I should, I don’t. It is what it is. It’s over and done with. When I’m just not feeling the day, sometimes I wanna hit you up just to say hi. No matter how much I want to text you or call you just to say whats up, Im just trynna do what’s right. Even when I feel lonely or sad, I gotta do what’s best for everybody, including us. Just remember, it’s not always easy for me.